gardenbre 2

My younger brother, Wayne died on Wednesday (9 Sept 2009). I started planting seeds the day after I found out he had been diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer. I wanted us to continue to have a positive way to view growth and to view the seasons of our life cycle.

His favourite song was Down to the River to Pray ... (he was religious but not in a conventional way - I am not formally religious, spiritual is what I might call myself. After my brother was diagnosed, we would meet on Sundays in the basement of a building next to the church after other people had attended the 'real mass' ... for a non-traditional service (one day we railed against black oppression by white men, another we all said 'lord have mercy' after a young girl got up and told us about a big fit she'd had that week that she was quite proud of when she didn't think anyone at work understood her. And one Sunday, my brother stood up and let everyone know he'd just had his last rights and that he would die very soon and that he wanted to thank everyone for allowing him to be part of the congregation. He gave an amazing talk smiling the entire way through ... later one of the priests told my parents he'd blown everyone's mind). I was standing next to him not thinking too much about it because it was the kind of conversation we had on an ongoing basis ... I'm glad I was reminded of how mind-blowing it was ... this song was one he loved to sing along to. He would look over at me and try to get me to sing with him just by smiling and raising his eyebrows and laughing - he knew I couldn't sing worth a bean but I would concede and smile back, mouth some of the words to let him know I was there with him) ... Alison Krause does a lovely rendition of it.

This was posted on Facebook (Feb 2015).

Someone posted this song on their facebook page for him and because of this I've put it here as well

I was fortunate to get an allotment plot to begin gardening soon
after he was diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforme (the same cancer
Ted Kennedy had and same as Gord Downie would later be diagnosed with ... I got a call from Mom, crying ... all she said was, 'Gord died.' and I knew she'd not known of him before his diagnosis but I also knew she followed his journey and got to know him and that it helped her feel connected with Wayne again ... when I got her call that day, letting me know about Gord, I said I know and we both shed a tear together).

I began gardening because I felt it would give us a language that allowed us to express some of the experiences we were growing through of seeing a positive 'light' shining on things that grow. I have continued to garden in his name and now in the name of others I know who have died of the same.

An angel of a friend just sent this hopeful message today (14 May 2025). She lost her bestie to this, too. One of my other dearest friends also lost her brother to this shortly before Wayne was diagnosed.

Gardening serves me well for a number of reasons and it made
this journey a powerful one. I planted as many seedlings as I could get
my hands on and into my garden this year. There haven't been too many
posts this summer because I wanted to spend time I had with my brother.

We walked and talked for miles and smiles and
smiles.

For the garden it was a very wet summer with little scraps
of warmth torn from between clouds. For us it was always good
walking weather. Rain or Shine!

Wayne had asked me to be his confident ... told
me ways of how I could help him. I hope I did a good job - I
believe I did. He told me I had. It wasn't easy there were
complexities and challenges that lay in our path. We did laughing
yoga and crying yoga and pulled out plastic garbage bags from our
pockets when necessary to lay on patches of wet grass together . We lay
under picnic tables with our legs up on the benches doing restorative
yoga poses. We did walking & talking yoga.

Monday morning he thanked me after we did some breathing yoga.

He shrugged his shoulder & smiled
when I said, 'we tried'.

Once our family makes it to the other side of this, I will do my
best to spend time putting my garden to rest and get it ready for
winter ... in preparation for another SPRING :)

A recent photo of both my brothers.
Gary (left) and Wayne (right).

As I mentioned above, Wayne and I used to attend mass said by Paulist priests and we would have more solitary time together. It was our standing weekly face
time when he was feeling good. When he began not feeling as good we still
went.

Once when he didn't think he could make it thorugh the entire service
and we'd begun to climb the stairs to leave, the choir began singing this song
and he told me it was his favourite - I asked if he'd like to go back - and
he said he would like that.

We went back and he sang his heart out!

Later he told me it was from a really funny Cohen Brothers movie. After that they played it alot ...

A year later ...

Mom

I brought Mom to see the space dedicated to Wayne by his
school ... his outdoor classroom with a plaque they had made

for the rock where he used to go to sit on at break to relax and
get away from the day (from what we understand students

would find him and come sit with him - so I now imagine him looking up and laughing and

then starting a lesson trying to scare them away - but they stayed - that'll teach you, he would have thought - it

makes me smile so much. The most touching thoughts were sent to us from students he'd helped through the years.

Something I realized he gave me, after he passed, was his sense of

humour. I missed it and realized, I now claim it as my own. That, in

itself, makes me smile and often laugh out loud and shed a cleansing

tear.

The allotment is shorn and put to rest - fast asleep under a shivery thin duvet of snow and I'm dreaming of a (no - not a white Xmas) but of a garden again ...

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