Ants in my PANTS! ... seriously

Julie took one look at my ant-filled log and told me to get rid of it before it infested my entire garden ... so I ran over and picked up the three pieces of it and climbed on my chair and hoisted it over my fence making sure I didn't talk to her so I wouldn't get any in my mouth while I was doing it. (she always bosses me around and I told her to get to her garden before it rained because the forecast had just changed and it was already raining in parts of Toronto according to the radio report I'd just heard - which was very true in case you're wondering) ... I started putting stakes in around my zucchinis so I wouldn't step on them and began feeling a burning on my right leg ... it really started to sting & burn and it started to burn higher and higher ... to the point where I had to run like a complete maniac to my personal little hut I'd trimmed the vines off to pull my jeans down and see what was going on - two little ants (I'll bet they were 'fire ants') ... and I thought there were about 1,000 or more and I searched but there were only two ... so I smooshed them with both my fists until they were pulverized beyond recognition. I really didn't want to pull my pants back up but I thought I'd probably get arrested so I did ... but I yanked up the legs of my pants past my knees almost to check to see if the bottom of my leg wasn't covered with ants too - nothing! Man that freaked me out! I thought the thistles and stinging nettles were bad.

I told Julie after and she said I shouldn't have gone into the little hut because it would be filled with other bugs and that I should have rubbed mint on them ... yeah right ... run around in the middle of the garden half naked, looking for specific herbs to remedy myself with. I swear gardeners are nutier than artists.

Today I was so deranged by foul thoughts about the creatures in my garden that I even squirted my chipmunk without a second thought with the hose along the entire length of the fence when he came through it over by the peas cute as the dickens to see me (and take my sour white strawberries) ... now he'll probably only come when I'm not around and I really liked seeing him!

Don't ever believe a gardener when they tell you they garden to relax - they do it because they want to control the universe.


and then something this beautiful appears and you know you don't stand a chance (yes I killed it too & gave its carcass away - to another gardener - someone I thought might appreciate it everybit as much as I did - fire ants emit a poison that temporarily makes you insane